Eternal Values for Relationships

A meditational activity with Eternal Truth Lessons below

If you are in a relationship, it is an activity that one “mind-live”(ponder on) day by day. Even in the back of your mind, if you grew close and became one with that person it is in the fore or background there all the time. Sometimes when you walk to your car, when you drive, or it influence your to do list, it may even influence your geographical moves, so why not take a real meditational road in Langebaan? What you belief, influences your doing. Sometimes you don’t know how things in relationships are supposed to work, and then you set up a scenario that will not work for a marriage.

First look at the core message in the Bible: The purpose is to convey to us that God loves us so very much that He has so much mercy that He sent His only Son to take our darkness on His shoulders: a gift of grace that we can’t earn. None of our walk can set us free. None of our walk can do this for us! It is all about His constant love for us. Our love might not be so steady all the time, but His is. He says love encompasses all – also in relationships – ascertain yourself of His definition of love below!!

Basic Eternal Truth Lesson about Relationships : Love towards humanity

As we are loved so very much by Him, even while we are sinners (we all are human, only Lord Jesus was the perfect man without sin), we should love other humans: 1 John 4 : 21 “HE WHO LOVES GOD MUST LOVE HIS BROTHER ALSO”. Yes, I know, the question is, who is your brother? Galations 6: 10: “AS WE HAVE OPPORTUNITY, LET US DO GOOD TO ALL, ESPECIALLY TO THOSE WHO ARE OF THE HOUSEHOLD OF FAITH.”

There is always two forces opposing each other, on which side are you?  According to which principles do you operate?  Only the one side will work towards constructive relationships1 John 1:5 refers to God’s goodness as light: “GOD IS LIGHT AND IN HIM IS NO DARKNESS AT ALL” and just a bit further 1 John 2:9 states what indicates that we are in God’s sphere: “HE WHO SAYS HE IS IN THE LIGHT, AND HATES HIS BROTHER IS IN DARKNESS”.  This love refers to goodwill towards our neighbours. 1 Cor 13 writes how poor we would be without the greatest gift: “IF I HAVE NOT LOVE, I AM NOTHING.” This refers to love within you that are reaching out, not to what you receive: my love that I poured out on the people around me.

Romans 13:8: “FOR HE WHO LOVES ANOTHER HAS FULFILLED THE LAW”  [The law of the Old Testament? And what happen if we don’t perfectly meet the law? If we don’t live like that, are we not Christians? Answer: It is certainly not your perfect walk that will take you to heaven, it is when you belief that Jesus Christ was sent by God as Saviour.  That is the full truth. But as we are so very lucky and so thankful that He saved us, we try to abide in the law and send out love to our neighbours as far as we can].

So, how does Love work in a relationship? What is the biblical recipes for successful relationship living?

Eternal Truth Lesson 1: Focus on each other’s needs

Out of the love principle derives caring about each other’s needs, –and the Bible talk about it both ways, thus reciprocal: 1 Cor 10: 24: “LET NO ONE SEEK HIS OWN, BUT EACH ONE THE OTHER’S WELL-BEING.” Both people in a relationship have needs, and each person should focus on how to satisfy the other’s needs – and that is where kindness comes in at the front door… It is wonderful if both can try to put crowns on each other’s heads: Romans 12:10: “IN HONOR GIVING PREFERENCE TO ONE ANOTHER”

Eternal Truth Lesson 2: Love qualified

What is Love really? Can it be measured? If somebody says he just wants peace and love, will it just happen because you word it? Or if someone says there is a lot of work to do in order to promote peace – how does it happen? The Bible qualify love by putting it accurately into practise: 1 Cor 13: 4-8: “LOVE SUFFERS LONG AND KIND; LOVE DOES NOT ENVY; LOVE DOES NOT PARADE ITSELF, IS NOT PUFFED UP; DOES NOT BEHAVE RUDELY, DOES NOT SEEK ITS OWN, IS NOT PROVOKED, THINKS NO EVIL, DOES NOT REJOICE IN INIQUITY, BUT REJOICES IN THE TRUTH; BEARS ALL THINGS; ENDURES ALL THINGS.” The perfect love of Jesus Christ never fails.
Galatians 5:22 and 23: “THE FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT IS LOVE, JOY, PEACE, LONGSUFFERING, KINDNESS, GOODNESS, FAITHFULNESS, GENTLENESS, SELF-CONTROL. Against such there is no law!

Eternal Truth Lesson 3 : the head of the marriage

Who is the head? Is there a leader? The Bible is clear about this: Yes. 1 Cor 11:3: “THE HEAD OF EVERY MAN IS CHRIST, THE HEAD OF WOMAN IS MAN, AND THE HEAD OF CHRIST IS GOD”. Don’t be astonish. All make perfect sense and stay balanced if you learn how the head should operate and behave towards woman. Ephesians 5:22: “WIVES, SUBMIT (adapt) TO YOUR OWN HUSBANDS AS TO THE LORD. FOR THE HUSBAND IS HEAD OF THE WIFE, AS ALSO CHRIST IS HEAD OF THE CHURCH; AND HE IS THE SAVIOR OF THE BODY (the church). THEREFORE, JUST AS THE CHURCH IS SUBJECT TO CHRIST, SO LET THE WIVES BE TO THEIR HUSBANDS IN EVERYTHING.” Submit means that a wife should adapt to her own husband’s world. This means that she will be her own husband’s right hand, like Christ who is sitting at the right hand of God. If you are not married, you are not husband and wife. The Bible is referring to a situation where there is a public declaration that the love between a man and woman is so dear that they engage in a marital relationship where the husband is taking full responsibility for his side of the commitment.

Eternal Truth Lesson 4: the woman’s function in marriage

A woman should help her husband, see what he needs, thus help to satisfy her husband’s needs. 1 Cor 11:7: “MAN IS THE IMAGE AND GLORY OF GOD; BUT WOMAN IS THE GLORY OF MAN”. So a woman can be a man’s crown jewel. 1 Cor 11: 8: “FOR MAN IS NOT FROM WOMAN, BUT WOMAN FROM MAN”. The woman was made from his side. 1 Cor 11:9: “NOR WAS MAN CREATED FOR WOMAN, BUT WOMAN FOR THE MAN”. The man was alone, and needed a partner, therefore the woman was created to be “A HELPER COMPARABLE TO HIM” (Ex 2:20) – but once again note how he should set the stage to love her in Eternal Lesson 2

Eternal Truth Lesson 5 : the man’s function in marriage

Ephesians 5: 25: “HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES, JUST AS CHRIST ALSO LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIMSELF FOR HER, THAT HE MIGHT SANCTIFY AND CLEANSE HER WITH THE WASHING OF WATER…” Read about the qualities associated with Love, so that you know what is implicated in “LOVE YOUR WIVES”. In Ephesians 5:28 and 29: “SO HUSBANDS OUGHT TO LOVE THEIR OWN WIVES AS THEIR OWN BODIES; HE WHO LOVES HIS WIFE LOVES HIMSELF. FOR NO ONE EVER HATES HIS OWN FLESH, BUT NOURISHES AND CHERISHES IT, JUST AS THE LORD DOES THE CHURCH.

Eternal Truth Lesson 6: be true to your marriage

We should not live sexually permissive: 1 Cor 10:8: “NOT LET US COMMIT SEXUAL IMMORALITY” If there is a third party getting involve in a marriage it is against biblical wisdom, it causes damage and should not happen. If it did happen, you should review the functions of both a man and a woman, and look at the qualities of love. Mimic Christ and His grace. Forgive the other person, nourish and cherish, and focus on the other person’s needs according to the roles that were prescribed by God.

Eternal Truth Lesson 7: man’s function in relation to his wife and his parents

As husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies because she becomes part of him, it will mean he loves himself by loving her. He must nourish and cherish her as if she is his own flesh, thus he must look after her needs, and what she needs to operates his house and fulfill his needs (she is created for him) . Ephesians 5:31: “FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.” It is not a Godly instruction that you should stay a mommy’s boy and that your mum should run your household and make the rules of the house when you are married. Actually it is against God’s will! Of course it is a Godly wish that you should look after your parents, be kind and gentle to them, and respect the elderly, but God is wise and there is no insignificant detail in the Bible. The reason God specified that a man shall leave his father and mother is to avoid unnecessary conflict between your wife and her in-laws! So if there is conflict do not condemn your wife – you actually transgress the Bible. (So are you not going to heaven? Remember nothing of your walk will put you in or out of heaven – you are already forgiven by God.) But if you want to save your marriage, you should rectify the situation! And if it is your girlfriend, she should not stay in your house to fulfill all duties of the household until you are not married, neither should she confront your mother, she should stay out of your household untill it is her household.  AND ADAM SAID: THIS IS NOW BONE OF MY BONES, AND FLESH OF MY FLESH, SHE SHALL BE CALLED WOMAN, BECAUSE SHE WAS TAKEN OUT OF MAN.
THEREFORE A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THEY SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. AND THEY WERE BOTH NAKED, THE MAN AND HIS WIFE, AND WERE NOT ASHAMED.” (Ex 2: 23-25.)

Eternal Truth Lesson 8: interdependency in marriage

1 Cor 11: 11: “NEVERTHELESS, NEITHER IS MAN INDEPENDENT FROM WOMAN, NOR WOMAN INDEPENDENT FROM MAN, IN THE LORD.” So, we should not be arrogant, or try to live on an island, we have to engage, we need each other, in a relationship there is an interwoven tapestry between us. 1 Cor 11:12: FOR AS WOMAN CAME FROM MAN, EVEN SO MAN ALSO COMES THROUGH WOMAN; BUT ALL THINGS ARE FROM GOD”

Eternal Truth Lesson 9: Be Patient, exercise self-dicipline!

But sometimes we really get angry towards someone. Why? Because they do things that really hurt us. Now I understand that we should try not getting angry easily (“LOVE SUFFERS LONG AND IS KIND”, thus have patience), and if we do feel uncomfortable we should at least NOT BE RUDE (1 Cor 13:4-8), but do you know why we get this feelings of discomfort? Because sometimes we are surrounded by situations that are not in synchronization of what the Bible recommends regarding human relationships!! The basic guideline from the Bible in this regard is imitating Christ! “IMITATE ME (Paulus), JUST AS I ALSO IMITATE CHRIST” 1 Cor 11:1.
Romans 13:10: “ LOVE DOES NO HARM TO A NEIGHBOR”. The eternal truth lesson is logical: So don’t harm your husband or wife either- even when he/she makes you angry. Rather pray softly: “Please God, in Jesus name, please guide me through this”.

Eternal Truth Lesson 10 : Setup a biblical stage

Be wise, read and meditate on how to set the stage for your relationship according to biblical codes! Do not wonder blind in the streets and set-up scenarios that may steal, kill and destroy souls. These are the 3 objectives of the evil one. Fear is from the devil, and to put up situations that escalate his course leads to uncleanliness.

Worldly examples of non-biblical scenarios that may cause souls to become as dry as wood – thus not in line with God’s commandments. In cases like these fear may escalate and lead to destructive pain and failure: A girlfriend and ex-wife in one kitchen where the ex-wife permanently make comments on what the girlfriend is doing wrong, or reminding her ex-husband about precious anecdotes that they treasured together in a ‘previous life’ (sing ‘killing me softly’ or described it as soul grating or pure harassment), two or three wives (same man) under one roof, or one at work, and the other at home simply calls darkness to set in, or an matriarch granny prescribing the poor in-law woman to do this and that (even cunningly subtle) while the husband fears rejection to such a degree that he flinch away from defining the fondness between him and his wife publicly, or if a man expects his girlfriend to fulfil all the duties of a wife, but out of fear for rejection by first marriage children, he fears to commit in biblical terms.

Examples like these are simply a brood chamber for emotions that are going to set up in flames. Re-deem the time and use your days sensibly.  Proverbs says “HAPPY IS THE MAN WHO FINDS WISDOM, AND THE MAN WHO GAINS UNDERSTANDING”.

Eternal Truth Lesson 11: Place earthly condemnation in the Right perspective

It is not the end of the world if people condemn you. IF YOU ARE JUSTIFIED BY CHRIST, WHO ARE THE WORLD TO CONDEMN YOU? Romans 9:33: “WHO SHALL BRING A CHARGE AGAINST GOD’S ELECT? IT IS GOD WHO JUSTIFIES”. It is actually of no value if people condemn you. 1 Cor 4:3: “BUT WITH ME IT IS A VERY SMALL THING THAT I SHOULD BE JUDGED BY YOU OR BY A HUMAN COURT. IN FACT I DO NOT EVEN JUDGE MYSELF”…. 1 Cor 4:4 “BUT HE WHO JUDGES ME IS THE LORD” In Romans 8:34: “WHO IS HE WHO CONDEMNS? IT IS CHRIST WHO DIED, AND FURHTERMORE IS ALSO RISEN, WHO IS EVEN AT THE RIGHT HAND OF GOD, WHO ALSO MAKES INTERCESSION FOR US.” So who does an earthy person think he is to condemn?

Eternal Truth Lesson 12: Your reaction on earthly condemnation

God wants us to mimic Jesus that lives in us, the perfect man with Godly grace and mercy, Romans 12: 14: “BLESS THOSE WHO PERSECUTE YOU, BLESS AND DO NOT CURSE”. If someone overstep and you can’t help to feel furious because of what you feel was unfair, remember Romans 12:18: “BELOVED, DO NOT AVENGE YOURSELVES, BUT RATHER GAVE PLACE TO YOUR WRATH; FOR IT IS WRITTEN, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY”, SAYS THE LORD. It does not work to fight evil by bringing in more evil in the situation. It is only when light comes in that darkness flee. Romans 12:21:DO NOT OVERCOME EVIL BY EVIL, BUT OVERCOME EVIL BY GOOD”.

Eternal Truth Lesson 13: Deal with other people’s discomfortable behaviour

Do not judge and condemn others now in this life. Just try and live in the loving way you should. Include them, although they exclude you. (Proverbs speak of WAYS OF PLEASANTNESS AND PATHS OF PEACE).  Jesus came to this world for the sake of sinners. Jesus didn’t come to this world to meet and celebrate perfect people. He was the perfect lovely person, but as He loved sinners, He gave His life to safe them, to safe us.  1 Cor 4:5: “THEREFORE JUDGE NOTHING BEFORE THE TIME, UNTIL THE LORD COMES, WHO WILL BRING TO LIGHT THE HIDDEN THINGS OF DARKNESS AND REVEAL THE COUNSELS OF THE HEARTS. THEN EACH ONE’S PRAISE WILL COME FROM GOD”.  We are all sinners, don’t reject and exclude others because of theirs.

Eternal Lesson 14 : Spend time with Perfection Creation

Romans 2:18: “APPROVE THE THINGS THAT ARE EXCELLENT”.  Don’t focus daily only on the negative and darkness of life. Keep your energy focused on constructive things and meditate on the light and the beauty of creation.  1 Phil 4:8: “WHATEVER THINGS ARE TRUE, WHATEVER THINGS ARE NOBLE, WHATEVER THINGS ARE JUST, WHATEVER THINGS ARE OF GOOD REPORT, IF THERE IS ANY VIRTUE AND IF THERE IS ANYTHING PRAISEWORTHY – MEDITATE ON THESE THINGS.”

Eternal Truth Lesson 15: Deal with rejection

It is not the end of the world if someone close to you rejects you. YOU ARE THE BELOVED CHILD OF GOD IN WHOM HE IS WELL PLEASED. IF YOU SEEK THE KINGDOM OF GOD FIRST, THE REST WILL BE ADDED TO YOU. He has so much more in mind for you. He will send the right person if that is what He has in mind for you. He loved you so much that He sent you His son so that you can have eternal life. You are the favourite child of the King of the universe. If you know what your worth is in Him, you don’t have to react by being offended, and may even have more sympathy with the other person’s rudeness.

Eternal Truth Lesson 16: Give no offense

“GIVE NO OFFENSE” 1 Cor 10:32. If it does not crunch your soul, don’t be tight on things that is not important, view 1 Cor 9:20 “AND TO THE JEWS I BECAME AS A JEW that I may win Jews, TO THOSE WHO ARE UNDER THE LAW, AS UNDER THE LAW, that I may win those who are under the law (old testament believers) . The reason is given in 1 Cor 20:22 “TO THE WEAK I BECAME AS WEAK, THAT I MIGHT WIN THE WEAK. I HAVE BECOME ALL THINGS TO ALL MEN, THAT I MIGHT BY ALL MEANS SAVE SOME”. It was referring to the way that the Gospel should be spread, but a good stand to take when mingling with groups around you.

Eternal Truth Lesson 17: Make for peace

God wants us to live in peace together. Romans 14:19: “THEREFORE LET US PURSUE THE THINGS WHICH MAKE FOR PEACE AND THE THINGS BY WHICH WE MAY EDIFY ANOTHER. He gives the example in Romans 14:15 of food choice: “ YET IF YOUR BROTHER IS GRIEVED BECAUSE OF YOUR FOOD, YOU ARE NO LONGER WALKING IN LOVE. DO NOT DESTROY WITH YOUR FOOD THE ONE FOR WHOM CHRIST DIED.” Sometimes there is things that we can do, or sometimes rather leave that will contribute to peace. Romans 12:18: “IF IT IS POSSIBLE, AS MUCH AS DEPENDS ON YOU, LIVE PEACEABLY WITH ALL MEN.”

Eternal Truth lesson 18: Be hospitable, especially towards co-Christians

Romans 15:7: “THEREFORE RECEIVE ONE ANOTHER, JUST AS CHRIST ALSO RECEIVED US”.  Open your heart and attend in kindness to those around you. Be merciful and receive not just the other as physical person, but discerned his perspectives and daily experiences.

Eternal Truth lesson 19: Am I wooden?  What if I sin? 

Should you have a splint or a piece of wood in you, it does not make you wooden. In the same way when you have sin in you, it does not take your being a Christian away from you. Try to live as Christians should be by celebrating the light in this world, and worship His goodness, through Christ you are already forgiven, get back on track and continue, don’t let the devil make you doubt you are a Christian if you fail at times. Jesus is even next to you when you fail and will never leave you.

Eternal Truth Lesson 20: Book your ticket by choice

You have to choose the right partner. 1 COR 10:20 and 21: “I DO NOT WANT YOU TO HAVE FELLOWSHIP WITH DEMONS. YOU CANNOT DRINK THE CUP OF THE LORD AND THE CUP OF DEMONS; YOU CANNOT PARTAKE OF THE LORD’S TABLE AND OF THE TABLE OF DEMONS.” We have to flee from Idolatry, God is our King, and there cannot be another King that we worship.
Romans 16: 17: “NOTE THOSE WHO CAUSE DIVISIONS AND OFFENSES, CONTRARY TO THE DOCTRINE WHICH YOU HAVE LEARNED, AND AVOID THEM.” Will such a person ever have the caring love that God said we should have towards each other? Will that person ever define your situation so that you feel wanted, nourished, protected, and will he really take care of you and love you with the love that God require from man, or will she has the dedication that God require from a woman towards her husband?
Romans 12:2: “AND DO NOT BE CONFORMED TO THIS WORLD, BUT BE TRANSFORMED BY THE RENEWING OF YOUR MIND, THAT YOU MAY PROVE WHAT IS THAT GOOD AND ACCEPTABLE AND PERFECT WILL OF GOD”.
Romans 8:9:” IF ANYONE DOES NOT HAVE THE SPIRIT OF CHRIST, he IS NOT HIS.”
And for believers: Gal 3:26: “FOR YOU ARE ALL SONS OF GOD THROUGH FAITH IN CHRIST JESUS. Gal 3:29: “AND IF YOU ARE CHRIST’S, THEN YOU ARE ABRAHAM’S SEED, AND HEIRS ACCORDING TO THE PROMISE.”

eternal@westcoastlife.co.za